Friday, February 20, 2009
{ 3:30 AM }
if you happen to read this, this post is dedicated for you:
i have been bottling up my thoughts and feelings for such a long time i finally mustered that courage to talk to all of you. i thought of just pretending nothing has happened and just get on with my live, but because you all meant a lot to me i cannot pretend that i don't feel what i am feeling. i cannot hide from you all all the time. that is because i don't want our friendship to end this way. i think i made the wrong choice to talk to you all. i should have kept quiet. anyways, what harm will it do if i kept everything to myself right? no harm. you won't get hurt, he won't get angry. but this has been bugging me day and night. i couldn't find anyone that understand how i feel. i was totally miserable i dread seeing you all. you all are always happy..and when i was down, you all didn't understand why i was down and how i felt. even someone not very close to me can come and say a few words of comfort you all completely just act as though i have no feelings. i don't need you all to know the reason behind it. just a word of encouragement will do. just by saying, "hey, i'll always be there for you if you need me ok?" alone will make me feel that you all care. maybe this sentence could have resolved all these feelings i had for you all. i don't need you all to do big things for me. actually it is these little actions that show me you all care, not big ones that show me as though you all care. you all always claim that you all have tried talking to me. but i never received any messages nor phone calls from you all. you all never approached me. i should have guess it. you all don't need a person like me as friend anyways. i am stupid, sensitive, introvert and i am not popular as you all are. i am not worth your friendship. sorry for being so thick skinned to think that you all have always regarded me as one of your closer friends. i am so sorry i have been such a burden to you, causing you shame and making you all disgusted. it is a correct choice to ignore me from then. i understand everything now. i am sorry for this afternoon's heart to heart talk and i promise none of this will happen ever again. i won't waste all of your time anymore. thank you for once being my friend. at least that is what i think. thank you for being so nice to me. i treated you all as one of my better friends even if you didn't think the same of me. thank you once again.
Dear Angel,please take me away with you . i am willing to following you where ever you go as long as you will take me away from here. my heart ached so much it felt as though it would break into two. i guess the only way to heal me is to take me away. the old me is dead and gone. nobody will ever scar my heart of stone.